Wednesday 19 June 2013

When a 'playful tiff' becomes a caution for assault

Pictures of Nigella Lawson being choked by her husband of 10 years - arts mogul, Charles Saatchi, sent shock waves across the nation.

Shocking pictures: Sitting in their favourite Mayfair restaurant, Charles Saatchi repeatedly grabs his wife Nigella Lawson by the neck

To see an educated, wealthy, successful woman publicly berated by her equally wealthy and powerful partner who went as far as pinching her nose in the pictures, must have resonated with thousands of women in abusive relationships or victims of domestic violence.
Of course I am not suggesting Ms Lawson is in an abusive relationship, but the pictures posted on-line appear to depict a man whose actions appear to cause distress and anxiety to his wife, who looks on helplessly as he grabs her by the throat.
Miss Lawson wiped her eyes as her husband tapped his cigarettes against the table. It is not the first time the couple have been seen arguing publicly

During the exchange, Mr Saatchi appeared to tweak Ms Lawson's nose as they sat outsideThe 70-year-old pinched his 53-year-old wife's nose as they sat facing each other
Saatchi, who referred to the incident as 'a playful tiff', (one shudders to think of what a non-playful tiff might look like behind closed doors) was cautioned by the police for assault. His wife is yet to make a statement, choosing to ignore the commotion instead focusing on her food delights.  The mother of two's last tweet as the scandal broke over the weekend was " Green tea and a toasted buttered bagel. Yum!"

Sometimes it could be a while before victims of domestic abuse seek help as they are often in denial of the problem. 

*Carmen*( not real name) was in an abusive relationship for eight months before plucking up the courage to walk out of it. 
A confident successful bubbly 29-year old, she worked as a PR executive for a Midlands firm. However, no-one could reconcile her outgoing character with the humiliating treatment she suffered at the hands of her then partner.
"He was controlling,rude and a male chauvinist," recalls *Carmen.* 
"On top of that I waited on him hand and foot literally; serving his meals, cleaning his apartment and washing his feet after meals.
"Yet he was psychologically abusive and unappreciated of my efforts to please him.
"Even when I caught him cheating, he heavily reprimanded me for going through his texts and I ended up apologising."
Despite recurrent episodes of monthly abuse suffered from her short tempered ex who flew off the handle everytime they had a disagreement, often resulting in verbal insults (from her ex) and Carmen always almost grovelling for an apology later- (though she couldn't understand where she went wrong) Carmen found herself unable to leave him.
" I thought the problem was me," she says. "I mean perhaps he was right about me being too rude and disrespectful"- Her ex-partner was 36-years old.
"Maybe I had to respect him and keep my mouth shut to keep a happy house. I didn't have to voice an opinion on everything, even if I was unhappy," I thought.

In December the couple were seen again at Scott's, where Mr Saatchi was seen clapping his hand over his wife's mouth
Back in December, Saatchi was pictured clapping his hands over his wife's mouth

Fortunately, *Carmen* was able to leave her abuser after one particularly violent episode when he verbally abused *Carmen* to the point where she doubted herself and ability. The experience left her feeling emotionally drained and though it hadn't been physical, *Carmen* felt as if she had been run over by a train. 
Exasperated and mortified at  how she had let herself been used to the point where it was affecting her self esteem, she walked away.
"The  funny thing is none of my friends or family would ever believe if I told them," says Carmen. "I am such a strong personality with well founded opinions and views, successful at what I do and highly intelligent, it is impossible to reconcile that vulnerable person with me.
"I sometimes even have trouble believing that was me and I have no explanations as to why I let myself to be treated like a piece of rubbish by a brute."

If you or anyone you know suffers from domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence 24-hour helpline on 0808-2000-407

Do not suffer in silence or alone.There's always help.

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